The Power of “Why?”

A client said to me recently, “I hate my job.”

But when we dug in—beyond the headline—it became clear she didn’t hate her job. She hated how she felt in it.

She was feeling insecure because the role now required skills she hadn’t used before. She felt like an imposter because everyone around her seemed more experienced. And her daily rhythm had changed—she went from back-to-back meetings and managing people to long stretches of independent thinking and working time.

The job changed. Her thinking didn’t change with it.

Another client brought me a relationship issue with a step-child. When I asked why the other person’s behavior bothered her so much, she said:

“I want him and his dad to have a good relationship. And I want to know I did everything I could to give them that opportunity.”

That wasn’t really about the step-child’s behavior. It was about what she wanted to believe about herself: I showed up. I didn’t block the door. I did my part.

When you feel stuck—when you can’t quite name what you’re thinking or what you’re feeling—the most powerful question you can ask is:

Why?

• Why is this bothering me?

• Why do I want this to change?

• Why am I resisting this?

• Why does this matter to me?

Answer the first “why,” and then keep going. Ask it again. And again.

Not to spiral—to clarify.

Eventually, you’ll hit something honest and useful. A value. A fear. A desire. A belief you didn’t realize you were carrying.

And once you’re there, you can finally map it out—what’s happening in your current Model, and what you actually want to think, feel, and do next.

Sometimes your “why” will surprise you.

And that’s the whole point: once you understand what’s driving you, you can stop fighting the wrong thing…and start choosing thoughts that create the life you actually want.